Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Update on The Princess

Things are still hard for The Princess.  We are both very thankful for the people who have encouraged her through some pretty rough middle-school-mean-girl junk.  Thank you if you know us and you're one of those people who have taken time to edify her.

Mean Girl continues to be particularly cruel.  It doesn’t look like that is going to change any time soon.  The Princess can’t even glance her way without getting a dirty look.  Mean girl goes from laughing and joking to glaring at her and then turns her back and laughs and jokes some more.  The other day at track practice, the girls were told to get into groups.  The Princess started walking toward one particular group, but so did Mean Girl.  Mean Girl told her they didn’t need her in that group, making the decision for all the girls there.  The Princess has decided being on the track team isn’t all that important to her.

However (and this is a big “however”), she is doing very well handling all this.  She is really employing her tools to navigate a tough social situation.  She’s not talking to the girl.  She’s refraining from sending notes, trying to “fix” things (something very hard for her to do since she really does want things fixed).  And she’s being kind – to the very best of her ability – even when someone is unkind to her.  She comes home hurt every day and I hate, hate, hate that.  But I am very proud of her for the way she’s handling herself.

In therapy this morning, she told our therapist she knows she cannot control someone else’s behavior.  This is HUGE!  She knows that even though it hurts when she is treated poorly, it is because the other person has a problem and it’s not really about her.  She knows there are things she needs to continue to work on to improve her social skills.  She also knows she’s come a long way.  I am so proud of her.  I just wish more people understood.

Another thing that was great – wonderful – fantastic – totally awesome in therapy this morning was when our therapist told The Princess that even grownups sometimes struggle with these things.  She said she knew that.  She’d witnessed someone who had to deal with something similar lately.  Then she looked at me.  She said she knows when something’s going on even if people don’t tell her.  The therapist asked her if she wanted to tell her about that.  She said, “It’s not my story to tell.”

YEP!  She said THAT!  My 13 year-old said that!  How I wish some 40, 50, 60 year-olds understood that.  (Both the therapist and I looked at each other and got a little teary and proud.)

So yes, it’s been a hard few months around here.  But look how far she’s come!  I have a great kid.


Tamara said...

Way to go Princess!!!! That's wonderful! How amazing it must be to see the changes in witness the maturity that is starting to develop and the wisdom that is taking root even in such a hard time. Give her a big hug for me! :)

Trauma Mama T said...

I will do that this afternoon, Tamara. Someday soon, I hope you can give her one yourself. ;o)

Diana said...

Yeah for healing!

Trauma Mama T said...

Indeed, yeah! Thanks, Diana.

DeeChloRox said...

Oh she is doing so well! I wish my daughter could take lessons from her. Of course you are proud. She is taking control of herself, her emotions and ignoring the chatter around her. She's going to do great!

Trauma Mama T said...

Thanks so much!