Monday, October 22, 2012

May His Memory Be For a Blessing

Well, that was quite a hiatus.  It’s been too long.  There were many times I wanted to write.  Many things built up inside I thought I needed to get out and onto paper – or onto a computer screen, but those things didn’t want to come.  There were fleeting thoughts as I fought insomnia, full topics on therapeutic technique that were never quite strong enough to pull me to the computer, and heart cries I wanted to share, but could not.

My heart cries so much now that I cannot be still for fear it will rip through my chest.  I am so very sad – so very angry.  I want to be able to help, to fix things, but I cannot.  Nothing can fix this.  My dear, sweet, amazing friend – a fellow adoptive mom with kids from Eastern Europe, like me – lost her precious boy this past weekend.  The demons he fought for so long finally overcame him and he took his own life.  Nothing fixes that.

There are SO many kids from hurt backgrounds – so many kids with complex traumatic pasts – so many former orphans who battle so many demons.  I know so many mothers that fight the fury of hell for their kids.  So many who spend every extra moment trying to learn more, or find resources for their kids so they can help them learn to navigate the trauma that never goes away.  And yet, we lack. 

We lack doctors who are knowledgeable and social workers who believe we have our child’s best interest at heart and that we REALLY DO KNOW more about this crap than any grad school course ever taught them.  We lack teachers who care, and the teachers that do care lack the time and funds necessary to even begin to help our kids.  We lack a health care system that is competent at all enough to handle the mental health issues our kids – our families – face. 

How does one get anyone to care?  When does it become everyone’s “problem?”  

How do we model sanity to our kids when, all around them, there is insanity? 

Sorry, dear reader.  There are no answers today.  No therapeutic tips.  No methods.   

All I have is a plea.  Please pray for my friend and her family.  Please pray, as another friend said, “May his memory be for a blessing.”