Starting High School

The Princess goes back to school in ten days.  Ten.  1 – 0.  10!  I cannot wait.

She, on the other hand, is as anxious as anxious can be.  Poor thing.  I know in my head what it’s all about.  Starting high school for any neuro-typical kid is hard enough.  Add trauma and developmental / social delays (a.k.a. immaturity beyond the immaturity of a NT kid) and we’re right on the edge around here.

Anyone else in these shoes? 

On one hand I can hardly wait to get her out of here and back in school for 8.5 hours a day.  On the other, I’m anxious for her, too.  And on the third hand (trauma mamas need at least 3 hands), I’m scared to death wondering whether or not she’ll pull some really big and really scary stuff now that she’s getting older.

For now, I’m dealing with a 15-year-old who behaves like she’s four and wants the privileges of a young adult.  She’s stupid lying and giving plenty of bad attitude.  She’s defiant and moody.  She’s a big ol’ pain in the butt.  And before anyone reminds me she’s a teenager, let me remind you she is my SIXTH child.  Plus, I was a challenging 15 year old.  I know how a witchy hormonal teenager behaves.  I know it’s not pretty even for NT kids.  My kid is not an NT kid.  This is different.  I’m not just blowing steam or venting or whatever you want to call it.  I’m writing because this is part of trauma parenting and despite what the Staples commercials say, this isn’t necessarily a trauma parent’s “most wonderful time of the year.”

I’m writing it to remind myself.

I’m writing it because I need to remember there’s more going on than just my kid being a pain in the tushy.

She’s scared and she doesn’t know it.  She can’t identify it. 

She told me the other day, “I’m sorry I acted like that.  I just get so ‘mad’ sometimes and I don’t even know why.”

I know why, baby.  And I am so sorry you went through what you went through.  I will try to remember you’ve been through more than I can even still imagine and I will try to catch myself and control my own triggers.  (It’s no secret that I hate being lied to.)  I will try hard to stop, breathe and relax – like I remind you to do.  I will do that so I can help you stop, breathe and relax.  I will remind you how great you really are and how very far you’ve come.  I will tell you I believe in you and I will pray that I come to mean it in a way I don’t yet fully.  

I will pray that the LORD will bless you and keep you, that He will make His face shine upon you and that He will grant you His peace that passes all understanding, and certainly any understanding I may know.

Trauma Mama Movie Review: The Hunger Games

Honestly, I have no desire to see this movie, nor will I allow my two youngest kids to see it.  I don't care if "everyone is seeing it."  I've never been one to care too much about what "everyone" is doing.  Frankly, I do not understand why any Christian parent would think this was an okay movie.  Call me rigid (I'm not - but I care about what my kids see).  That said, I cannot give my own review of the The Hunger Games.

What I can do is encourage parents, especially parents of traumatized/attachment disordered kids, to THINK.  Use the tools we teach our kids:  Stop.  Think.  Breathe.  And then respond.  I'm not saying you're a bad parent if this movie is okay for you and your family.  I'm just saying I don't understand it.  And I always promised to be honest and real on this blog.  So, there you go.  Do you have a child who suffered neglect?  One who didn't have enough food to eat?  What about one who was abused?  Taken advantage of by adults?  Used in some sick way for an adult's entertainment?  Then ask yourself if the good of the artistry outweighs the triggers of the themes and make your decision from there.

Here is a link to Christianity Today's review of the movie:  The Hunger Games.
MPAA rating: PG-13(for intense violent thematic material and disturbing images, all involving teens)
Genre: Action, Drama
Theater release:
March 23, 2012
by Lionsgate
Directed by: Gary Ross
Runtime: 2 hours 22 minutes
Cast: Jennifer Lawrence (Katniss Everdeen), Josh Hutcherson (Peeta Mellark), Stanley Tucci (Caesar Flickerman), Woody Harrelson (Haymitch Abernathy), Donald Sutherland (President Snow), Wes Bentley (Seneca Crane), Liam Hemsworth (Gale Hawthorne)

Scholarly Education on Complex Trauma

When I was a teenager, I spent as little time as possible studying.  I did what I had to do to get by in school.  I was a lazy scholar.  Deep down, I still am.  My thirst for learning is only fueled by my desperation.  When I feel I NEED to know something and do not, it is then I am most ready to study and to learn.  There is much I have needed to know these last several years.  If you also need to know, below are some scholarly papers and websites with resources for higher learning about complex trauma:

     *Neuroscience & Behavior - a free undergraduate level course on MIT's open learning website.  There are over 700 courses on this site - both undergraduate and graduate level courses - in a wide range for fields of study.

     *Articles by Dr. Bruce Perry (one of my favorites):
          Anxiety Disorders
          Bonding & Attachment in Maltreated Children
          The Neurosequential Model of Therapeutics
          and FOR TEACHERS
          Children and Loss (on Scholastic's website)
          What Childhood Neglect Tells Us About Nature and Nurture

     *Treatment of Complex Trauma in Young Children:  Developmental and Cultural Consideration in Application of the ARC Intervention Model.  Arvidson, Kinniburgh, Howard, Spinazzola, Strothers, Evans, Andres, Cohen, Blaustein, 2011.  Journal of Child and Adolescent Trauma, 4:34-51

     *The Amygdala, Fear, and Memory.  Fanselow & Gale discuss the role of the frontotemporal amygdala in classical fear conditioning, 2003.

 More links are available at:  Tip Sheets for Psychology Majors.  Additionally, even more links -- more than you will ever read or need, but may want to browse for some gems -- are available at www.trauma-pages.com

UPDATED! - Fact Sheets for the Classroom

Educating teachers about PTSD, RAD, ADHD/ADD, FASD/FAE, PDD, anxiety, depression, and even Aspergers is a chore each year for me.  It is a necessary chore, however.  Unfortunately, our teachers are overworked and underpaid and frankly, clueless about what it REALLY means to deal with all these things, or how to best educate a child with complex trauma.  (Let's face it, we were all clueless, too until we had to deal with it face-to-face ourselves.)

I wish I'd found these Fact Sheets back in 2007.  They are posted on the Kansas State Department of Education website and are designed to give teachers an overview of the challenges our kids face every single day.  They are not comprehensive, but they provide the basics.  (Besides, I've learned most teachers don't bother reading much of the information given to them even by their own administrators.  Even if they WANTED to, there just aren't enough hours in the day to read everything they're told is "essential.")  

I've developed a lot of presentations and materials of my own through the years and I promise to share more of those over time on the blog.  But my best piece of advice for communicating your child's needs to his or her teachers is to develop a relationship with them.  Be prepared to advocate (a.k.a. "fight") when you need to, but work with your child's teacher to show them you appreciate their professionalism.  Hopefully, they in turn will respect your expertise as a therapeutic parent, raising a hurt child.  

Do not expect a teacher to work like a therapist.  Their job is to educate your child.  Give them tools that support them in their job, even as you ask them to support your job as a therapeutic parent.  Hopefully, they'll appreciate your efforts to make their job easier, and thus make your job easier by avoiding those triggers which set your kids off on behaviors most teachers never get to see.

     *Attention Deficit/Hyper-activity Disorder - ADHD/ADD

     *Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD

     *Reactive Attachment Disorder - RAD

     *Anxiety

     *Depression

     *Pervasive Development Disorders - PDD

     *Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder - FASD/FAE

     *Asperger Syndrome

Additional resources for the classroom here:  Child Mental Health Resources