Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I Weigh Less Than My Driver’s License Says I Do

When things are really hard for our kids, it’s often difficult for trauma mamas to remember to take care of themselves.  My kids’ therapist reminds me often that even when you travel in an airplane, they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first before attempting to help anyone else.  The thing is, when we forget to do just that, the hard times get a lot harder.  Lack of sleep, eating a brownie and drinking a Coke for breakfast, sitting at the computer all day, not taking any time to have any fun because you’re so busy working on your kids’ needs, and making sure everyone is else is happy (or at least not murdering someone) takes its toll.  I look at pictures of myself from 4.5 years ago and look at myself in the mirror now, and the difference is dramatic.  I look at least 10 years older than I did in 2007.  I do not intend to look another 10 years older in 2016.  I just won’t have it.

I am far from where I want to be, but I am well on my way to a journey back to myself.  I doubt seriously I’ll ever wear a size 6 (I’d be ecstatic if I ever got down to a 12), but, as of my doctor’s appointment this morning, I really do weigh less than my driver’s license says I do.  (Yes, I lied when I renewed it.  If you’re a woman who hasn’t lied about her weight on an official document, well then I guess you’re just . . . what-ever.)  I am also making some other changes.  I’ve picked up my guitar again.  Maybe I’ll do it enough times that I’ll get calluses on my finger tips and it won’t hurt to play.  I’ve done some crafts and tried my hand at some art.  I have newly awakened ambitions to reorganize my house.  Ambition is a start!  I had no ambition to even stay organized, or get reorganized, since our adoption in 2007.  Heck, it took me 4.5 years to register my kids for a state-issued birth certificate.  I’ve also cut way back on the sugar I allow into my body.  I didn’t really want to, but I knew I had to.  I don’t want to keep aging so quickly.  So, I’m coming back to me.  I think it’s going to be an improved me.  I certainly hope I’m a wiser me.

If you’re stuck in the muck, MAKE YOURSELF take time to remember WHO YOU ARE.  DO SOMETHING that helps you get back to you.  Do it in baby steps.  Just choose one thing to start.  Don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself.  (When I do that to myself, I just feel like a big, fat failure.)  You will be amazed at how much better you feel when you grab hold of what makes you - YOU.


Diana said...

In addition to finally doing something I've wanted to do for YEARS, even pre-adoption years, I finally bit the bullet and repainted my grandmother's antique piano. I would loved to have stripped it and refinished it with a stain, but she painted back in the 80's and I didn't have it in me to strip all of it off only to realize the wood is super dark anyway. So, I painted it again. Tons of work, but it will look good when it's done.

I also went shopping last week. After feeling increasingly more frumpy and ugly and scattered and haggerd, especially at school and other meetings, I decided it was time to make some changes. I've always had the intention of losing weight so I didn't want to go shopping. I didn't want to be the size I am, but I am. Until I accept that, and love me as I am, I'll never love me enough to stay motivated to lose the weight. So, I bought a new more professional wardrobe and have already had occasion to try it out. I felt MUCH better!

Courtney said...

ROFL! I STILL haven't applied for my kids' state birth certificates! At least I know I'm not alone! ;)