"I am 55 years, 10 months, 3 weeks and 1 day old today. My mother died at 66. Both grandmothers at 68. Lord knows if I have 10 minutes or 10 years or more left to live on this earth, but I know this for certain: life is too short to live it without joy. Joy is a choice and I will choose joy and refuse anything less. It's quite wonderful when you make that choice. There is great peace and an abundance of love."
So, I have made some choices. It's time to officially close this blog. I won't be posting any more. I am in a new season of life, moving from being just "mom" to enjoying my new role as also being "Gramma." My traumatized children were adopted nearly 8 years ago. One is now a young man, almost 20 years old and my daughter will be 17 in just a few days. I've done the best job I know how and I've shared some of that with you here. To be sure, I've also made plenty of mistakes I never told you all about both as a parent and just as a flawed person. It is what it is. But our mistakes can destroy us or help us define how to do better.
Dear ones, seek support where you receive true hope. And really, there is true hope. Things may never be the same before trauma entered your life, but they don't have to be hell all the days of your life forever and ever. Don't allow anyone to tell you it will always be hell or that your kid's diagnosis will mean a forever life of despair for you. Learn to let go of that which binds you to that dark place. Prune away the despair and choose joy. Pass along what good you can, but know it's also okay -- also THE most important thing -- to take care of yourself. Choose joy. That's what I'm doing.
Thank you to my few faithful readers. You may notice some things have been deleted here. Please understand that was part of my choice to choose joy. It was a very personal choice and I hold no ill towards anyone or the things I've had to let go of in my process of choosing joy. As I said above, there is great peace in that choice and an abundance of love.
I will miss your posts but I understand. We're now in Colorado and just bought 35 acres so our kids will have more room to run. Running is a good thing for us.
ReplyDeleteCourtney, how wonderful! Running is indeed a good thing. I don't run, so I've been chalk painting furniture. It gets me up out of the chair and gives me a sense of accomplishment. I get to use a little creativity, too. We are moving as well, but within the state. Our purchase was a bit smaller -- 2 acres. Email me sometime and let's catch up with one another.
ReplyDeleteI have just now found your blog so I am sad you are no longer posting, but happy that your life lived through this is still available. I love this post. I just read an ugly post where other foster/adoptive parents were being ugly and I share that I felt that we should share the truth in a better way. I was not supportive for my views. Everyone said that if they truth hurts then tough. It was sad. Thank you for choosing joy. Joy in life, joy in words, joy period. I truly believe this as well. I know this may not get posted since you are on here, but wanted you to know you words and support live on.
ReplyDeleteFoster Mamalion, thank you so much for your comment. You are an encourager, that is for certain. Believe me, it is not always easy to choose joy. When things get really, really tough, as they are right now with my daughter, choosing despair and anger is a whole lot easier. You can become immobile and every little thing triggers you. I've been there, even recently. Choosing joy has to be intentional. We have to be mindful in order to do it. I wrote about that today on my new blog at www.thedetachedparent.com. I hope you'll take a look at that article, too: http://www.thedetachedparent.com/being-intentional-about-peace-joy/
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